wow valentines day's done already over here lol
I don't have love life to talk about
never had one because I love me
I didn't forgot about my DeviantArt or left it .. this is a noway.... never.
sorry for the very long absence as always but , I didn't plan for this.
but so much had happened already, I've been in so much hard times to be allowed to remember my normal life.
I traveled a lot and still traveling lol
I was suffering of health problems and weakness, maybe because of many things had happened
so many deaths , I did lose so many people I love and I did knew for very long time.
and many of my family members.
all reasons of car accidents,sickness and old age :/
many reasons of death and the death is one
I called the past few months ago (death season)
my childhood friends died in horrible car accident, we grew up together in the same house.
a very close friend of my dad he used to be like a father to me (all my father friends are like my fathers and family to me I did grew up with them too)
I really felt sad to hear about his death, he visits as if he goodbyes everyone.
my uncle died for sickness.
my grandmother died of old age, then my grandfather followed her in the same month also of old age , they're both in their 90s or older.
is this love? I'm not sure if my grandfather can hear or knew what's going on that his beloved wife left his side in world.
now they are together.
strangely when I was in Germany I did dreamed of my childhood friends blaming me for lefting them so suddenly so many years ago without goodbye them or something.
in real life it's true I left my neighborhood and house where my family and childhood friends without my choice when I was 12 years old since then I didn't had other friends or met my other family members, I was all alone studying only.
after that I heard about their car accident but I didn't been to their funerals, because I didn't like the fact of that they died BECAUSE I TRIED HARD TO CONTACT THEM MANY YEARS AGO TO BE TOGETHER AGAIN , I DON'T WANT THEM TO KNOW WHAT KIND OF STUPID THINGS I DID DO TO MAKE THINGS LIKE BEFORE OR BETTER JUST FOR US,I was afraid to be blamed again in REAL by other friends, and I didn't know what to tell them after 13 years of absence.
and about my grandmother I didn't not seen her for many years too because like I said I left without my choice.
I had a dream of her that I'm visiting her in her room and she was so happy smiling for seeing me and really reallyyyy happy to me for seeing me dressing so neat and nice my cultural dress and expensive jewels (I don't have expensive jewels because I hate them in real)
she asked me why I'm wearing strange expensive jewel? in very old ancient arabic accent that she don't speak or maybe she did speak it I'm not sure, I needed a translation from arabic to arabic then I get up and first thing I did was not to forget her words and translating her sayings then I get well dressed and yeah I jewel for her and I asked my dad to take me to her to see her, I was afraid to tell him it may be a last time to visit her, I didn't want to think its a last time or something.
but I told him about my dream.
few days later I get a call from my dad crying telling me his mom died , I was well dressed that day too and ashamed to face my family like that but I ran to my grandmother to see her face before they bury her , I was very lucky to give her a kiss in her forehead. she looked alive.
in her funeral I worked hard for her guests as I can, I met so many peoples I haven't seen for more than 12-15 years omg they still remember me and remember my name? actually I'm called by Maith not Maitha to them since I was little ,kinda annoying LOL
there I also met one of my childhood friends and I did't know what to do we exchanged contacts to explain everything later, I met my new cousins for the first time.
my grandmother death was to bring people together again I think.
I hide into my grandfather room sometimes away from people when I get tired or bored, he don't know me anymore or remember me but I sit there in his room alone to goodbye him or stare at him.
before my grandpa leaving I had a hard night with insomnia and couldn't sleep at all and worried about him someway, my heart was betting hard which kept me awake.
he followed my grandmother in that morning and I ran to him to the hospital when I'm still on my pajamas.
I was also lucky to get chance to see him after he died in the hospital I also give him a kiss in his very cold forehead and tried to cover his feet very well from cold as if he's alive.
I'm not sad for losing many people
I've met peoples I tried hard to met.
I get the chance to know my new family.
I started to be friend with my cousins.
I also met my enemies but I served them as guests because my mother thought me to respect my guests even my enemies.
I don't only have online friends anymore
LOL I forgot how to social
I still don't know how to contact them
this was a very long but I wanted to tell you all what I have, I don't contact much people yet to tell them this
I love you all
and I promise I'll draw and photograph again to post them here and everywhere else I just need to fix my another PC to start working again, I just fixed my older PC to log in here finally to reply/comment/till I get back my other PC and work.
at least better than nothing .. lucky to have more than a computer
see you when I finish working or when I start a WIP (work in progress)
I already started one.
anyway I'll still be here. I'll come back later to reply or something. I just need to post this journal first and go to sleep.
I need to post this journal to my another account too to explain